Saying No....Doesn't mean I don't love you!!!

First, I must say that I know that my title may not be grammatically correct because two negatives in a sentence makes a positive.  I guess I can say that there are three negatives in my title...No, doesn't and don't so does that make it a negative.  I hope you get what I am saying.

As a woman, a helping professional and a Christian, I struggle sometimes with saying No to someone that request something of me.  I have found that this is true for alot of people that I know.  They struggle with telling someone that they love...No.  I was talking to someone this week and someone close to them had asked them to do something.  The person already had a full schedule for the day but they felt obligated to complete the task.  When I said, "you can tell the person No this is not an emergency."  There response was " I love ______."  This conversation made me think about the times that I have done something for someone out of the obligation that I felt that they would think I loved them less or due to the relationship. 

I begin to think about how many times God has told me "No " in a situation and I felt that He did not love me anymore because He was looking out for my good.  Saying No to someone does not mean that you love them any less or that it is final.  Saying No at that time may mean "just not right now".  The ability to set appropriate boundaries is important to self care.  I have learned to say "No" as a complete sentence and also as part of my self care.

Another technique that I have learned is to pause when someone ask me to do something.  I will say let me look at my calendar and if it is something that I can do or want to do, I will agree.  If it is something that is going to cause me inner conflict when I do or that I will be complaining about it or if it is truly something that I do not want to do.  I can say that I have something on my calendar and can we do it at another time.  Sometimes saying No is saying Yes to self-care.