Who Are You...Creating Your Identity!

Who Are You?

This weekend, I spent some time catching up on some shows that I had recorded.  I watched Oprah’s interview with Curtis “50 Cent” Jackson and the episodes of Iyanla, fix my Life with Evelyn Lozada. There was a question that resounded throughout the episodes - “Who Am I?” We tend to look at who we are through the lens of our past or other people. 

How many times have you had an awakening out of a situation and asked yourself how did I get here? Or who was that woman that allowed that to happen?  The realization that you were not living your true self can be startling, denial, fearful, freeing, etc.  The question becomes how can I make the shift into becoming the person that I was created to be and not the person that I have created from living my life through the rearview mirror.

As I listened to the discussion between Oprah and “50 Cent” /Curtis Jackson, I was able to see that he created the image of “50 Cent” but Curtis Jackson is the person that he strives to be.  Curtis Jackson is a quiet to himself businessman that loves his grandmother.  Oprah walked away with a new appreciation for him.  In a moment of transparency, I have always had a thing for Curtis Jackson.

Iyanla helped Evelyn to identify truths about who she is and not the image that she has created.  She created an image out of fear of not wanting to be alone and also the” non factor” of having a relationship with her father.  We can not have Oprah or Iyanla to come to our homes and do the work for us. But there are professionals that can help you find your truths and be who you really are?

SIDEBAR: I was having a conversation with someone and we discussed how counseling/therapy should be on the dental model.  It should be considered a preventative service and not one sought after it becomes too much or a self described crisis.  I am a person that goes to the dentist every six months and my well woman visits once a year.  These services are considered to be preventative maintenance so that I will remain well.  And some of these visits are actually no charge to me because they are preventative.  The idea of going to see a counselor for a wellness check should become the norm.

Saying No....Doesn't mean I don't love you!!!

First, I must say that I know that my title may not be grammatically correct because two negatives in a sentence makes a positive.  I guess I can say that there are three negatives in my title...No, doesn't and don't so does that make it a negative.  I hope you get what I am saying.

As a woman, a helping professional and a Christian, I struggle sometimes with saying No to someone that request something of me.  I have found that this is true for alot of people that I know.  They struggle with telling someone that they love...No.  I was talking to someone this week and someone close to them had asked them to do something.  The person already had a full schedule for the day but they felt obligated to complete the task.  When I said, "you can tell the person No this is not an emergency."  There response was " I love ______."  This conversation made me think about the times that I have done something for someone out of the obligation that I felt that they would think I loved them less or due to the relationship. 

I begin to think about how many times God has told me "No " in a situation and I felt that He did not love me anymore because He was looking out for my good.  Saying No to someone does not mean that you love them any less or that it is final.  Saying No at that time may mean "just not right now".  The ability to set appropriate boundaries is important to self care.  I have learned to say "No" as a complete sentence and also as part of my self care.

Another technique that I have learned is to pause when someone ask me to do something.  I will say let me look at my calendar and if it is something that I can do or want to do, I will agree.  If it is something that is going to cause me inner conflict when I do or that I will be complaining about it or if it is truly something that I do not want to do.  I can say that I have something on my calendar and can we do it at another time.  Sometimes saying No is saying Yes to self-care.

Plan B Career

I was reading an article in a magazine....an the author discussed Plan B careers.  It was a time when a person would get a job and stay for thirty years and get a gold watch at retirement.  My father was one of those individuals, he worked two jobs at the same time, retiring from one at 25 years of service and then the next one at 30+ years.  You do not hear about that now a days because lay offs happen....job changes, etc. 

It is said that a person will change jobs over 6 times in a lifetime.  I can agree with that because I have changed jobs after working for one place for 12 years.  I am currently in my third career and I did not really have a plan B in place when I changed from Retail Management working at Hills Department Store to the Custodial Banking arena to currently in the Counseling - Not for Profit Management Business.  As I think about what will be next or what if I walked in and was laid off, I think about my Plan B Career.  What would I like to do?

Think about what would or could be your plan B career....what did you want to do when you were younger and there is still a possibility that you could do it?  In the article, a guy sold everything and went from a life of being a financial analyst to a blogger in Thailand.  He was seeking his calling and followed his heart.  So begin to think about your Plan B Career....what could you do next?