2012: My Year in Review

I am a journal keeper and I initially thought I would review my year through my own words.  After reviewing my entries, I decided that I did not write enough about what was going right but more about what was not working in my current situation. So this morning, I decided to think about the things that I have accomplished this year and focus less on what I had not.

This is my year in review...........

1. I facilitated a workshop on Empowered Parenting...now that is interesting since I am not a parent but I have the opportunity to parent Marcus and Rashad, my god sons. I also had the opportunity to facilitate a Motivational Interviewing Workshop at the RESA Conference.
2. I took my first international flight to Spain and cruised the Mediterranean Sea with stops in Provence, France, the French Riviera, Florence, Italy, Rome, Naples and a boat ride down the Almafi Coast.
3. I completed my internship which means that I am more than 2/3 f'inished with my doctorate degree. 
4. I recieved my Christian Life Coach Certification.
5. I completed the Mayor's 5K.
6. I contracted as an Adjunct Professor with Argosy and had the opportunity to teach a couple of classes.
7. I started this blog and have been consistent in posting.
8. I had the opportunity to work with a great coach....Laurie www.resourcefulcoach.com. I gained better insight about my vision...purpose...and mission.
9. I had the opportunity to hang out with my cousins that I had not seen in a while to celebrate my Uncle John's  birthday.
10. I am ending the year about 2 pounds lighter that I started which is alright with me.

I also had the opportunity to love, live and laugh with family and friends.

Before the year ends I have another question to ask...What (Who) has been the greatest influence on your life this year?

2012: A Year in Review

16..15..14..13..12..11..10..9..8..7..6..5..4..3..2..1......2013.  I was having lunch with a couple of colleagues and we were discussing what we would like in 2013. It was a deep and gratifying conversation but we also made a promise that in January we would have lunch again after we had reviewed 2012.  You can not move forward until you know where you are or from whence you have came.  So my request of you is to review 2012 before December 31st and take stock of what you accomplished, what you are grateful for and what did not happen that you wanted to happen.  So that you can establish goals for 2013 from a place of clarity.

This is not a new idea because a couple of days later as I was listening to my audio from the January issue of Success magazine Darren Hardy talked about the same thing.  This was confirmation to me that I have to take inventory so that I can experience the Best Year Yet.  I looked up the definition of review and this is what I found.  Review (noun): A formal assessment or examination of something.  (verb) examine or assess (something) with the possibility or intention of instituting change if necessary.

So to put action to review is to look at the verb meaning. It is about being intentional about what you want to accomplish or change. I have a couple of goals that have been on my list for many years that I have not accomplished. If I am completely honest with myself, I have not been intention about achieving the goals. So my plan is to identify three major goals that I will be intentional about achieving in 2013.

Assignment:  Set aside some time before the end of 2012 and review the past year.  Take 30 second and write down three goals you would like to accomplish in 2013.  Then write down steps you can take on a daily basis to accomplish those goals.

I will be your accountability partner and accomplish our goals.  Let me know the three major goals.

Preparing for Change

As we quickly approach the end of another year, I am thinking about those changes I would like to make in my current life.  I know alot of people will be making resolution or seting new goals and I will be one.  I have started to make a few adjustments to my current way of living.  For the past 3 years, I have been working on my degree which means that I have been taking some type of class or doing some type of school stuff like practicum or internship.  I have even had the opportunity to teach a couple of courses. 

Realizing that I was at the end of my rope, I had to make a conscious decision about what I was willing to give up to get to the next level.  So the choice was to put teaching on the back burner and focus on completing my dissertation.  I have also selected two other goals that I want to focus on in 2013.  These goals are more aligned with my values and purpose. 

I will also be focusing the topics discussed in my blog.  My purpose is to help grow others which mean my blog topics will help others to grow and move toward their purpose.

As you think about what changes you woud like to make in your life, please make sure that they align with your values.  So my first blog for 2013 will discuss values and assist you in defining your values and purpose.

Happy Holidays,

Lacrecia

Tis the Season to be Thankfulness

On yesterday, I completed the 30 Days of Thankfulness and to see other people participate was great.  Each day I reviewed my day to see what I was thankful for, I found that I truly have great friends and family. Most of all, I am thankful for who I am in Christ and how God has shown me so many different aspects of my life. 

God reminded me that He was still in control and if I would take time to surrender to His will that He has the plan.  So of my highlights for the month were three of my friends did really neat things for me (1) made my favorite Christmas cookies and (2) helped me to outline my dissertation topic visually.  I was able to turn in my prospectus this month.  A colleague and I had a great conversation about future enrichments and she shared a great book that is helping me to prioritize my life. He kept me at a stop sign a minute longer because a car ran the stop sign. 

At the end of each day, I realized that it is the simple things in life that I am thankful like family and friends but most definitely my relationship with God.  I am thankful for my mom and dad for introducing me to Him.

I think I will continue to journal about thankfulness! Oh give thanks unto the Lord for He is good!

THANKFUL.........

An Attitude of Gratitude

As I continue to be intentional about my daily posting of what I am thankful for, I am finding that life is about the little things.  I don't want to take life for granted and not be appreciative of those things that happen.  I was listening to my Success Magazine CD and one of the speakers said that he made a 90 day commitment to not complain.  I have thought about making a similar commitment because I find myself complaining and grumbling about little things.

I find myself not enjoying everyday life because I am waiting for the spectacular or extraordinary to happen.  I can truly say Thank You Lord for all you have done for me.  Since I have become mindful of those things that I am grateful for,  I have noticed that my attitude has changed about getting up in the morning or how I see things.  I am thankful for family and friends, I am thankful for my relationship with God and how I have access to the Word. I am thankful for my health and strength, I am thankful for my job because I am working in a field that I truly feel like I am in purpose, I am thankful for those small thngs such as the opportunity to read a good book or listening to my favorite song. 

On Thursday, we will celebrate Thanksgiving with family and friends.  Although, the retail business world has seem to by past Thanksgiving and went to celebrating Christmas.  We have to have an "attitude of gratitude" on an everyday basis.....look at  each situation from a spirit of gratitude.

Days of Thankfulness and Gratitude

I have completed 8 days of thankfulness.  Each day, I think about the day and say what I am thankful about or for.  I have been thankful for family and friends, my relationship with God, laughter, etc.  This week I have had the opportunity to look for moments of gratitude.  On Tuesday, I was shown by two friends different aspects of friendship.  I had lunch with a friend and we chatted about world events, the election and before the end of the conversation, she asked me about my struggle with writing my prospectus.  I shared with her my thoughts and the direction, I wanted to go. She took out a sheet of paper and drew out what I said to give me a visual.  This diagram helped me to put things into prospective and now I can work on my prospectus.

Another long time friend brought me some Christmas cookies that she use to make when we worked together at the bank.  These cookies remind me of the cookies they would sell in the cafeteria when I was in high school.  The sugar/butter cookies in the white bag. She met me half way in the cold just to bring me the cookies. 

I am thankful that I have friendships that have lasted for years.  We may not see or talk to  each other all the time but when we connect it is like it was just yesterday.  I am thankful for long time friends that I met in church, elementary school, high school, college, work and play.  Each of these individuals have added to my life and I appreciate each of you.

Tell your friends how much you appreciate him or her.

Thanksgiving and Gratitude....November 2012

This month we celebrate Thanksgiving on November 22nd so let's kick the month off right by thinking about what you are thankful for or grateful for each day.  I know that we have been impacted by alot of different things that could be seen as negative but when you have a grateful/thankful heart you see things differently. 

Yesterday on my drive to school, I was listening to a Darren Hardy-editor for Success Magazine and he was talking about how he keeps a gratitude journal for different people and areas of his life.  He takes 5 minutes a day to write down what he is grateful or thankful about for the person or situation.  He shared a story about how he had began keeping a gratitude journal for his wife and presented it to her as a gift.  The gift was proclaimed the best gift that she had ever received.

As I think on this first day of November and what or who I am thankful for or about, I am thankful for my relationship with God and my family and friends.  This people I sometimes take for granted but I truly and thankful!  So each day think about and journal- What am I thankful for today?

Be Blessed

Calling or Distraction

One of the assignments that I shared with my class was “The Lottery”.  The task of the activity was to have the student list 10 important activities that were in their lives.  They coded the activities and had to place them in the column titled Calling or Distraction.  We later came up with a definition of calling – “an inborn desire that one is compelled to serve a fulfilling and enjoyable purpose.”

What struck me as interesting was that it took the students a while to come up with 10 important activities in their lives.  Some stated I don’t do anything outside of taking care of my children, work and school. So I began to asking probing questions, such as what activities define who you are or what you do. Think about what you do on a daily basis and identify important activities that you participate in…spend time with family, reading a good book, listening to music, prayer, helping others, etc.

After looking at your important activities what are things that are calling you and what are distractions.  At times, we have some activities in our daily lives that are keeping us from our callings because they are hindering us from moving forward.  Reading is an important activity to me but it depends on the type of book that I am reading is whether it is a distraction.  I am working to spend more time reading material that feed my calling. 

Our calling is the activities that compel us to serve a purpose……so what is calling you?

A Few Good Men.....

Over the past week, I have had several different thoughts that have crossed my mind "spirit" about am I missing out on someone special because I have these high expectations. At one time I would say, I would never date a guy that has ......... and some of these things were superficial.  Then I began to think what would my family or friends say if I dated someone that had xxxx or worked xxxx.  Now don't get me wrong, I am not lowering my expectations when it comes to certain deal breakers.  These deal breakers include no job, no relationship with God, married or involved in a relationship with someone, trifling, abusive just to name a few. 

I have gotten to know some really good guys that are trying to make an impact on society but their past or education may have a couple of chips in it.  These men have a relationship with God but do not go to church every Sunday.  These men may use street slang but are working on a degree or working hard everyday to handle their business.  They may have a child or two....now I am not talking about the brother that has a basketball team and has never been married but just having unprotected sex with whoever.  I am talking about the guy that may be working a regular everyday job making ends meet and impacting the community. 

It made me think more about the fact that my dad worked two jobs for over 25 years in the service industry to provide for us.  I consider my dad to be a good man because he does have a relationship with God, he is a provider, he knows what family is about but he does not hold a college degree.  He has showed me what a good man represents.  I appreciate Bobby Dangerfield.

Who do you know that is a good man?

Does "The Black Church" perpetuate singleness?

As a follow up to my last posting, I continue to think about singleness and have the expectations changed.  It also made me think more about whether "The Black Church" perpetuates singleness among African American women.  I remember reading an article a while ago that posed the same question and I had thought about writing my dissertation on a similar topic.  I have decided on another topic which I will discuss later as I firm that up.

These are thoughts that I have about the subject and remember they are just my thoughts. I grew up in a predominately African American church and still attend one.  The membership of both congregations are comprised of mostly women holding leadership positions and filling the pews.  Both congregations are male dominated in the role of who is the ministry leader.  The teaching from the pulpit regarding the role of the woman is one viewed as the man is the head of the household. 

The messages taught show that men should take on the role of seeking out the woman to court and marry.  My question is if it is a female majority sitting in the pews and in leadership positions, are men getting the message that they are suppose to initate the process?  Also there are two perspectives of what is right by God and then also what is considered right in our society?

The creation of a fantasy man that may or may not exist from the pulpit makes it hard for a good brother to measure up when he is doing his best. I know that I govern my expectations in relationships on the basis of the principles that I was and am taught in church.  Are these expectations keeping me in the single category longer that expected? 

Mack A Man

The other day, I was listening to the Michael Baisden show on my afternoon commute and he was telling women to make the first move when it comes to asking a man out.  So I posed the question to my family and friends about their thoughts on the matter. It was a mixed response some said a closed mouth does not get fed- so why not ask him out.  Then there were others that's said No, it is the man's responsibility to make the move.

I have mixed feelings about it because being raised in the church, I was taught that a woman should allow the man to be the initiator.  But on the other hand, there may have been some opportunities missed because the man did not want to put himself out there for the possibility of being turned down.  No one likes rejection or to be vulnerable in putting themselves out there. 

Woman have been fighting for an equal position in society for a long time so why not level the playing field by approaching a guy to let him know that you are interested.  Now, I do draw the line on asking a man to marry me.  I do believe in Proverbs 18:22, He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from God.  I still believe that most men know the woman they will marry when they meet the woman or in the relationship. 

Another argument is if you ask the man out then who should pay for the date.  My thoughts on that is if he has asked me out, I think he should pay for the date.  So if I have asked him out, I am willing to pay....but if he offers to pay I will accept his offer.  LOL.  What are your thoughts should you ask him out?

Who Are You...Creating Your Identity!

Who Are You?

This weekend, I spent some time catching up on some shows that I had recorded.  I watched Oprah’s interview with Curtis “50 Cent” Jackson and the episodes of Iyanla, fix my Life with Evelyn Lozada. There was a question that resounded throughout the episodes - “Who Am I?” We tend to look at who we are through the lens of our past or other people. 

How many times have you had an awakening out of a situation and asked yourself how did I get here? Or who was that woman that allowed that to happen?  The realization that you were not living your true self can be startling, denial, fearful, freeing, etc.  The question becomes how can I make the shift into becoming the person that I was created to be and not the person that I have created from living my life through the rearview mirror.

As I listened to the discussion between Oprah and “50 Cent” /Curtis Jackson, I was able to see that he created the image of “50 Cent” but Curtis Jackson is the person that he strives to be.  Curtis Jackson is a quiet to himself businessman that loves his grandmother.  Oprah walked away with a new appreciation for him.  In a moment of transparency, I have always had a thing for Curtis Jackson.

Iyanla helped Evelyn to identify truths about who she is and not the image that she has created.  She created an image out of fear of not wanting to be alone and also the” non factor” of having a relationship with her father.  We can not have Oprah or Iyanla to come to our homes and do the work for us. But there are professionals that can help you find your truths and be who you really are?

SIDEBAR: I was having a conversation with someone and we discussed how counseling/therapy should be on the dental model.  It should be considered a preventative service and not one sought after it becomes too much or a self described crisis.  I am a person that goes to the dentist every six months and my well woman visits once a year.  These services are considered to be preventative maintenance so that I will remain well.  And some of these visits are actually no charge to me because they are preventative.  The idea of going to see a counselor for a wellness check should become the norm.

Saying No....Doesn't mean I don't love you!!!

First, I must say that I know that my title may not be grammatically correct because two negatives in a sentence makes a positive.  I guess I can say that there are three negatives in my title...No, doesn't and don't so does that make it a negative.  I hope you get what I am saying.

As a woman, a helping professional and a Christian, I struggle sometimes with saying No to someone that request something of me.  I have found that this is true for alot of people that I know.  They struggle with telling someone that they love...No.  I was talking to someone this week and someone close to them had asked them to do something.  The person already had a full schedule for the day but they felt obligated to complete the task.  When I said, "you can tell the person No this is not an emergency."  There response was " I love ______."  This conversation made me think about the times that I have done something for someone out of the obligation that I felt that they would think I loved them less or due to the relationship. 

I begin to think about how many times God has told me "No " in a situation and I felt that He did not love me anymore because He was looking out for my good.  Saying No to someone does not mean that you love them any less or that it is final.  Saying No at that time may mean "just not right now".  The ability to set appropriate boundaries is important to self care.  I have learned to say "No" as a complete sentence and also as part of my self care.

Another technique that I have learned is to pause when someone ask me to do something.  I will say let me look at my calendar and if it is something that I can do or want to do, I will agree.  If it is something that is going to cause me inner conflict when I do or that I will be complaining about it or if it is truly something that I do not want to do.  I can say that I have something on my calendar and can we do it at another time.  Sometimes saying No is saying Yes to self-care.

Plan B Career

I was reading an article in a magazine....an the author discussed Plan B careers.  It was a time when a person would get a job and stay for thirty years and get a gold watch at retirement.  My father was one of those individuals, he worked two jobs at the same time, retiring from one at 25 years of service and then the next one at 30+ years.  You do not hear about that now a days because lay offs happen....job changes, etc. 

It is said that a person will change jobs over 6 times in a lifetime.  I can agree with that because I have changed jobs after working for one place for 12 years.  I am currently in my third career and I did not really have a plan B in place when I changed from Retail Management working at Hills Department Store to the Custodial Banking arena to currently in the Counseling - Not for Profit Management Business.  As I think about what will be next or what if I walked in and was laid off, I think about my Plan B Career.  What would I like to do?

Think about what would or could be your plan B career....what did you want to do when you were younger and there is still a possibility that you could do it?  In the article, a guy sold everything and went from a life of being a financial analyst to a blogger in Thailand.  He was seeking his calling and followed his heart.  So begin to think about your Plan B Career....what could you do next?

Loss: one choice or one situation can change your life....

This week I have been impacted by three different stories in the news about three young African American males.  The first story was about Tony Farmer, 18 a high school basketball standout that made a choice to confront an ex-girlfriend which caused him to be sentenced to 3 years in prison.  The next story was about 21 year old Chavis Carter that was shot in the head either self inflicted or by someone else.  The story is that he committed suicide while in the back of a police car while handcuffed.  The last story is about 15 year old Dana Payne from Memphis, TN was at football practice and was hit and died on the way to the hospital. Each of these stories ended in loss of life. 

As I read each of the stories, it made me think about how one situation can really change your life whether it was a controllable situation or not.  When I watched the video of Tony Farmer, my heart went out to this young man because he had such a promising future. His life has change because of the one choice of going to confront his ex-girlfriend and he made some decisions out of desperation and anger. He was awestruck when the judge handed down the sentence and collapsed in the floor.  His life will be forever changed because he will have a blemish on his record which will make it difficult to find a job and have opportunities to do what he dreamed.

Chavis Carter and Dana Payne's lives have changed because they are no longer here on earth.  The story about Chavis is one of great sorrow because the truth will never come out whether he committed suicide or shot by someone else.  The story does not add up but he can not tell his side of the story.  Dana Payne seemed to be taken so soon.

We can learn from each of these stories about how one choice or situation can change your life. I know that we do not control when we will die but how can we live our lives to the fullest while we are still here.

Pray for the families that are impacted by the loss of these 3 young men.

Everybody Can't Go

On Saturday, I was watching an episode of Between Brothers.  I don't know if you remember it, it was a sitcom that had Kadeem Hardison, Tommy Davidson, Kelly Perine and Dondre Whitfield that was out in the late 90's.  This particular episode was about Charles (Kadeem Hardison) was working to get an interview with Michael Jordan and he was hanging out with Duane Martin to get the interview.  His friends wanted to be included in the parties and activities but they were not on the list. It made me think about how there are some situations that you can't take everybody with you.

How many times have we wanted to take others with us as we move forward in our destiny?  There are some situations that everyone will not be able to go with us.  It may be a work situation, a relationship, your destiny, etc. that you seem to be holding on to someone or they are holding on to you.  This makes me think about all the times that I wanted to take family and friends with me on my journey(the good and the bad) and God reminded me that this is not their destiny it is yours.   I remember when I was preparing to go to college and I realized that my friends were not going to Memphis with me.  I had been accepted to MSU and it could not change my mind.  So I had to go forth and go alone, but I was able to meet other friends that have become valuable to my journey.

The realization that our journey is our own and it is key to moving forward.  Remembering that there are specific things that we must go through to get to what is designed for us.  At times the journey gets lonely and you want to bring someone along for the ride.  Do we really bring them along because we want them as a companion or is it because we are fearful, victims of circumstance, codependent, etc.?  It is important that we choose prayerfully who is suppose to go with us on the journey, next phase of life, etc. 

It does not mean that we will not meet again on this journey, it just mean that you can not go on this part of the journey with me because you have your own path to experience. 

What Are You Teaching Others?

As usual, I have had conversations with others this week and there have been a theme in the conversations.  The theme this week is" How are we teaching people?"  I am a firm believer in that we treat people how to treat us.  Some people will say "that is not true" because he or she is just mean and treats everyone like that.  I can agree that there are some mean people out there and can just belittle another person, but it is in most cases that we have allowed a person to act a certain way towards us over and over again and they begin to believe that it is acceptable behavior. 

In our relationships, the ability to set boundaries with others can be tainted by our own selfishness, religious views, power and control, learned behaviors, etc. As we have encounters with others, we have to look at our beliefs and values and see if they match up with who we are or who we want to be.  The ability to reteach a person on how to treat you will take intention and practice.  The response to the other person is up to you.  You are able to say No to situations that you do not want to participate or say No to behaviors that go against who you are. 

I was thinking about how many times I have done something because of my belief that a good Christian wouldn't say No.  But in the end I have participated begrudgely or by complaining, which would have been better if I had just said No.  Other times, we take a position of being the Sacrificial Lamb and victim in the situation.  There has only been One!

So the next time that you begin to feel like the victim in a situation or relationship ask yourself if you taught the person to treat you in this manner.  You have been empowered to live your best life.

Change is essential to growth

On my commute to work I listen to The Steve Harvey Morning Show and one morning he stated in order to grow you must change.  This message stuck with me because it spoke truth to me.  This morning as part of my devotion I was reading Isaiah 41:8-14 and God reminded me that He is with me in all situations. So with that being said, I have an understanding that to grow I must be willing to change.

Change creates uncertainty, feelings of being uncomfortable, going beyond the knowing, discipline and obedience.  Think about plants because they start out as seeds planted in soil.  The soil and seeds have to be nurtured through fertilization and watering.  We can not see the changes and growth that the plants are going through underground until we will finally see a sprout.  The seeds go through a transition process to develop into a lively green plant.  Tranisition is part of development and growth.  Whatever growth that you want to go through in your life, you must be willing to change some things. 

What area in your would you like to change?  I am here to walk alongside you and help you make the change and grow.

"If we don't change, we don't grow.  If we don't grow, we aren't really living. - Gail Sheehy

Preparation...Trust and Believe

Over the course of the past week, God has truly showed me that He knows that plans that He has for me.  About a month ago, I received a change in the course that I was going to assist with this session.  In the change, I was introduced to another colleague that has provided great insight into the next stage of my professional identity development. In the short time that I have worked with this individual he has shared information that has required me to think deeply and introspectively.  During the time, I have heard from God regarding a possible dissertation topic which I am excited. 

The information shared has allowed me to look at the values that govern my life.  When your situation is not matching up with the values (principles on which you stand) , it may be time for your to make some changes. God has been speaking me about the next stage but I have been fighting fear.  I say that I trust and believe that He knows that plans that he has for me and these plans are to prosper me and give me an expected end (Jeremiah 29:11).  I must exercise my faith and believe that it will come to pass. 

God has showed me these plans and He has also opened the opportunity for me to teach. Lifelong learning is one of the values on my list and there are others that will continue to move me toward meaningful work.  My desire to be align with the plans God has for me and my value is intentional.  I will keep you posted on the next move.

Assignment

Make a list of your top 5 -  7 values and define each one to what it means to you. Also ask God what His plans are for your life by trusting and believing that He will bring them to pass.

Time Management or Not?

Over the past couple of weeks the concept of time has been pushed to the forefront of my mind.  I attended a funeral and one of the ministers broke down the timespan of the person's life by years, months, days, hours, minutes, and seconds.  How well did this person utilize the time that he had on earth?  Then I was reminded that time is not to be managed.  I was thinking that I needed to manage my time better. God quickly spoke to me and reminded me that I can not manage time but I could use my time more intentionally. 

How many times have you said, I need more hours in the day to get things accomplished?  I know that I have said that many times. The other day, while sitting in a meeting for upcoming practicum students they were reminded that we are all given 168 hours a week.  The students were asked to take into account all the things that use their times so that they could plan to have an additional 20 hours of activity in their life.  So let us think, how are you really using your time? 

The intentional use of time is key to accomplishing goals and living an empowered life.  If the goal is to exercise, intentionally schedule time each day to exercise.  If the goal is to start a business, schedule time to begin working on your busines plan for 15 minutes a day.  There are things in our lives that are time wasters such as watching mindless TV, social media for hours at a time, etc. This week look at your time and schedule what is priority to the intentional times you want to spend your time.

Redirection...Reposition...Revision

How many times have you been in your car using your GPS system and you had to be redirected because you missed your turn?  Redirection does not mean that you are not going to make it to your destination, it means that the route you were taking had to change.  Revisioning means that a change has been made in the original document or plan.  Repositioning is being placed in your rightful position again.  These three words are similar in nature but also offer hope to get to our destination.

Over the course of time, I have made plans of how I wanted things to work out or set goals for my destiny.  Sometimes it has happen as plan but other times I have been redirected to do it a different way.  I have been wrestling in making a decision regarding my next destination in my professional journey.  I have become overwhelmed and feeling like that I was running out of time when it came to making a decision that would have an impact on my destiny. 

After much contemplation, I realized that although the path has been redirected reaching the destination will be the same.  In the situations of when we want to change positions, we have to look at where we are and look for new opportunities until the time comes to move on.  The vision that God has given to us will come to pass...we just have to look at the minor adjustments to the plan as the opportunity to know about His will for our life. 

Live Your Best Life

This past weekend, I attended a women's retreat held by a colleague.  Our first assigment was to look through magazines and rip out pictures, words and statements that spoke to who we are, what we do and what we want more of in our lives.  The assignment was eye opening because the pictures that spoke to me where scenes of water, relaxation, travel and reading.  The words "Live Your Best Life" and the following quote spoke to me, "If you're ready to find real fulfillment, now is the time to start your journey." Over the weekend, I was constantly pulled to what needs to be done to live my best life. The exercises that we participated in spoke volumes. 

Also, yesterday was the 3rd anniversary of the death of Michael Jackson. It does not seem like it has been that long, which reminded me that time is moving swiftly.  So I asked myself again, what do I need to do to live my best life?  We only get one chance at life so we have to make the best of it by living our best life everyday.

So my assignment to you is to find what needs to be done to live your best life.  Pull out old-new magazines and rip out pictures, words and statements that speak to who you are, what you want and what you need to live your best life?  Create a collage of these pictures and words so that you can visualize your best life.

Lessons I Learned While In Europe

Last week was an experience of a lifetime for me because I took my first overseas vacation to Europe.  I have to say that I really enjoyed the experience because I got to see so many historical sights and also experience more of the beauty of God's creation.  Who would think to create such beauty out of stone and the blue of the Mediterranean Sea.  The opportunity to visit The Colosseum, St. Peter's Basilica, the Sistine Chapel, The City of Pomeit and the cruise down the Almafi Coast was amazing.  I was able to bask in the beauty of God.  I also learned some lessons that I would like to share:

1. The music of the 70's will make all nationalities dance and sing together.  They had a Dancing in the Streets 70's party on the cruise and everyone was dancing together to "Love Train", "YMCA" and "Brick House", etc.  The Wobble was played another night and so many people ran to the dance floor to Wobble together.

2. You are you wherever you are.....so regardless if you are at home in your comfort zone or outside your space...you will be you whereever. 

3.  Fear is a part of life but it doe not have to drive you.  While on the flight back home, God shared with me that it is okay for me to have some anxiety about the take off of the plane but I can not let it drive my experience of the plane ride.  Leading up to the trip, I experience dread about the long plane ride because I have anxiety about plane rides.  The actually ride was smooth.  If I had allowed fear to drive me I would have missed the beauty of the Almalfi Coast and the French Riveria.  Also, I would not have experience Nice and Florence whiteknuckled with my friends if I had played it safe.

I would like to share with you a picture of God's beauty>

Lessons I have learned....

The other way on my way to work, I was thinking about some of the lessons that I have learned over the course of these 45 years.  There are a few that I wished that I had learned earlier in life and really put them into practice. 

Lesson One:  I am Lacrecia Vernise Dangerfield and there will never be another one so I must be authentic in who I am.  This is a lesson that I wish young ladies would learn well before they are in their 40's and stop trying to be who someone else wants them to be.  A friend posted on Facebook that when we are not who we are called to be and do not do what we are called to do then the universe is not in alignment.  I did not get comfortable in my skin until I was 40 and it was true what Oprah said...you just don't give a damn what others think at 40. 'Somedays are better than others but I am a great person to know and if you don't take the time to find that out - your loss.

Lesson Two: Do what makes your heart sing.  When I started the journey to finding the calling on my life, I was in my 30's.  I majored in Business because that was where the money was and I thought I liked accounting. I know that I walked the journey for a reason because I have accepted that I was born to lead and that I had to expand my definition of leader.  I was working with my coach this week and she had me to list characteristics of leaders that I admire and then she asked my questions and it pointed back to who I am.  Also I would have started my own business a long time ago because I like to beat my own drum and use my spiritual gifting to get it done.

Lesson Three:  Life is short and I only will get this journey once.  God has truly showed me His favor in my life. I have seen those younger than me leave this earth.  I have to make the best out of this journey and live each day to the fullest and in purpose.  Dreams do come true and if you write it down it will come to you.  I get the opportunity to experience a vacation that was on my list of places I would love to visit.  God truly orchestrated the path and journey out of nowhere. 

These are just 3 of the lessons that I have learned...I will share more along the way.

What have you learned about life?

Passion: What Makes Your Heart Sing?

In my last post, I discussed Passion and Desire.  I finished reading "The Passion Test" and finally identified my top 5 passions for the present time.  The authors have you list 10-15 of things that you are passionate about and then go through the list to narrow them down to your top 5.  I must say that this was a challenging process for me because I have been trying to put it in the right words and context.  Also I had the belief that it had to be permanent, but as I continued reading the book, the authors suggest that you review your passions every 6 months to see if they have changed,  Another suggestion the authors offer is that when you have to make a decision choose in the way of your passion. 

Currently my top 5 passions are the following:

When my life is ideal, I am ________________________________:

1. living authenically in all areas of my life....spiritually, mentally, physically and financially.
2. spending quality time with family and friends.
3. owning my own business creating multiple streams of income, flexibility in schedule and variety of task.
4. providing enlightment and empowerment to others on how to live their passion and be their authentic self.
5. traveling to different places teaching and learning information to share with others.

Choosing opportunities that will get me closer to my passions are revealing themselves on a daily basis.  As I intentionally pay attention without working hard to create these opportunities mean that they are lining up with God's will.  These things make my heart sing when I am moving forward.

Live intentional and in purpose as you identify your passions and make choices toward your passion.  What do you do that make your heart sing? Pay attention to the opportunities to move and live in your passion.

Passion and Desire

Over the course of the past two weeks, I have been reading a book titles The Passion Test: The Effortless Path to Discovering Your Life Purpose by Janet Bray Attwood and Chris Attwood.  The authors get the reader to list 10-15 things that you believe are most important that would give you a life of joy, passion, and fulfillment by completing the following statement.

When my life is ideal, I am _____________________(starting with a verb).

The key is to narrow your list down to five statements that define it for you.  I have gone through several list to identify my list of passions and it has truly been a task.  Completing this task has brought clarity about who I am, what I want to be and have ( I will share my list later....).

The next point of enlightment came yesterday when I was reading a Daily Stimulant sent by Iyanla Vanzant.  I love to know the meaning of things like words, names, etc.  So in the message the word "desire" was given meaning..."de" - of  and "sire" - the Father.  This made me think more about my Passion List and the things that I desire of the Father.  I realize that passion and desire are different but can go hand and hand.

When my life is ideal, I am empowering others to live their best life.

I desire to live my best life authentically.

So my request of you is to complete the statement....

When my life is ideal, I am ___________________________.

Ask yourself, what do I desire "of the Father"?  (Psalms 37:4)

Authenticity and Passion

Last night, I was watching Oprah's Master Class.  Listening to her story and how she got to where she is was inspiring.  Oprah made the decision not to change who she was when others wanted her to fit a mold that was not authentic to her. I began thinking about what lesson would  I want to share with others from my life.  The lesson that I am learning is that you have to be who you are and to find your passion.  Authentic living is being true to yourself and fitting in your own space.  So many times we create our view of who we are through the expectations of others and find out later in life that it does not matter.  I remember hearing that life truly gets better in your 40's because you learn that the opinion of others is so not where it is.  How do you get to know who you are may be a question that you are asking? 

• What makes me happy?
• What brings me joy?
• What are my values?
• What are my strengths?
• What are my beliefs about life?
• What are you passionate about vocationally, spiritually, physically?

Finding your passion is about realizing what motivates you and gets you flowing.  I am passionate about teaching and learning. Asking myself the question of when my life ideal what am I doing. I list those things that bring me joy and fulfillment and see where I am getting those things in my life.  Now the question to myself is how can I live my passion everyday.  It is time to live passionately and authentically.

Thoughts Are Just Words

I read a powerful statement earlier today....Thoughts are just words strung together.  This statement really made me think about the power of thoughts and how we have to be intentional about what we think.  It also made me think about the old saying, Sticks and stones may hurt my bones, but words will never hurt me.  That is the biggest crock of _____.  The impact that words have on our lives is life changing. Thoughts can bring healing..forgiveness...change.  So if thoughts are words strung together, then we are able to change our thoughts.  We have to be intentional about the words that we string together when we are thinking about our lives and situations.  We can not change our past but we can change what we think about our present which will create our future. 


You may say how can I change my thoughts because I have so many:
1.  Be intentional about thought stopping...when you find yourself worrying or criticizing yourself say STOP.
2. Intentionally change that thought to a present tense affirmation. Remember an affirmation can be positive or negative, so speak the present tense about a situation in the positive. ( ex. Thought: I am always broke.  Change: My needs are satisfied)

It is about intentional thinking...not just letting your thoughts be any words strung together. Remember the following: Proverbs 23:7a says, For as a man thinkth in his heart, so is he......

This Number is not Who I Am.

I had a epiphany Monday morning....I have let a square box that displays a number gauge my thoughts about Who I Am. So many times, I have stood on this box and it reads those three digits and I am either happy or sad. If you have not figured it out, it is my scale. How many times have you stepped on the scale whether in the comfort of your bathroom, a doctor's office, a Weight Watchers meeting and it spoke to you messages of I am not small enough, I am not cute enough, I am a failure because the number went up or you did not lose the amount of pounds you wanted this week. Well the light came on for me and I decided that I will not give in to those three digits and let them drive my thoughts about me this week. Self love is far deeper than three numbers on a scale, it is about loving yourself unconditionally. The willingness to look in the mirror and say " I love and accept you exactly as you are.". I have noticed that I have made better choices and also my desire to exercise has improved. I am who I am regardless of what the number is...I am Lacrecia Vernise Dangerfield...the apple of God's eye. Creating powerful thoughts about who you are will change your destiny.

Celebration of Life

This weekend I had the opportunity to attend two different Celebration of Life events for two individuals that have impacted my life and the life of others.  One was a Homegoing Celebration and the other was a birthday celebration. We celebrated the lives of these individuals through music, laughter and inspirational words.  Dana C. Dixon left an impact on those that knew him through his humor and service to others.  He lived his life on purpose and with purpose pouring into others.

The birthday day celebration was for a family member that impacts the lives of others through his humor and service also.  He also has chosen to live his life on purpose and with purpose by pouring into others.  As I reflect on the lives on these young men, I question whether I am living my life on purpose and with purpose with intentionality.

What can we all do to leave the world a better place because we are living or lived ?  Make the choice today to live your life on purpose and with purpose.

Stating your truth and walking in it......

"You have go to be willing to lose everything to gain yourself." - Iyanla Vanzant

Well, I was going to write about Invitation only and who we invite in our life should only bring appreciation - esteem and value and not depreciation- bringing the value down.  Instead, I just finished watching Oprah's Life Class with Iyanla Vanzant (ok I am two weeks behind - it was on time) and this spoke so many truths that I overflowing and wanted to share with you some of the nuggets that were shared.

"Until you heal the wounds of your past, you are going to bleed." - Iyanla Vanzant.  We are walking around bleeding because our past continues to come forth into our present.

Pain is (P) ay (A)ttention (I) Inward (N) ow.  We must Feel our pain...Deal with our pain...and Heal our Pain.  The willingness to feel our pain is the first step in being able to deal with our pain so that we can heal our pain.  Asking yourself what is my pain?  What is keeping me stuck?  How many time do you see yourself as the strong person and not allowed to experience your pain? 

Another nugget was How you treat yourself is how you treat God?  So if you are not a priority then God is not a priority.  This nugget slapped me in the face because I allow the opinions of others to negate God's thoughts towards me.  He sees me as being wonderfully and marvelously made, He sees me as the apple of His eye, He sees me as being my unique authentic self but I have allowed the thoughts of the world, others, media to establish an identity that I don't even like.  So I am the Lacrecia Vernise Dangerfield that God created and spoke into being.  If it does not align up to the world's view so what???????

So how do you get unstuck?  These are the steps that Iyanla shared:

Tell the truth....how do I contribute to the pain, who are you, what do I want?
Stop telling your old story.
State the facts and speak the truth - "Right Where I am God is"
Ask for what you want
Get a vision- the vision will pull you through.  Not a picture but a vision.

As your sister, I stand with you as you tell your story and speak the truth.

Self-Care means setting appropriate boundaries

Self-care is not being selfish, self-care means to set appropriate boundaries.  The opportunity to decline the invitation to participate in any event that does not feed your passion or that is not edifying to your spirit is about self care.  As a helping person, I have at times out of a feeling of obligation to say "yes" to participate in situations that I have begrudgingly participated.  I was not taking care of myself because I created inner stress which can be deadly.  Have you ever participated in a conversation where some one has spoken negatively about you or into your life?  You negated your self-care because this created anxiety, shame, etc. in your spirit. 

Boundary setting means being able to say "No" when you participate in a situation that is draining to you or that you are not passionate about but say yes out of a feeling of obligation.  Another way to set boundaries is to set limits on situations...when a person is speaking to you if it does not add to who you are being able to walk away or addressing the situation by saying, I will not allow you to speak to me in this manner is setting boundaries and caring for yourself.

This week take care of who you are by setting approrpiate boundaries.

Faith or Fear: Do you want to walk on the water?

I am currently reading John Ortberg's book, If You Want to Walk on Water, You've Got to get out of the Boat.  This book is relevant to the decision that I have to make regarding whether I want to live my best life or if I want to be comfortable and secure. The book is based on Matthew 14:22-33, when Peter asked Jesus, "Lord, if it is You, command me to come to You on the water." and Peter joined Him on the water.
Have you ever felt like you were being called to something different and exciting but was holding on to the familiar because of the fear of the unknown? For me, I am currently in this position...should I stay in the boat of comfort and safety or get out of the boat and answer the calling.  Faith moves you out of the boat and fear keeps you for living the best life.  At the end of our days, we want to leave this earth empty of our giftings. 

In what area of your life are you shrinking back from fully and courageously trusting God? Fear will tell you what your boat is.  Leaving it may be the hardest thing you ever do. But if you want to walk on the water, you've got to get out of the boat.  - John Ortberg

Singleness in the City

Yesterday, I attended a focus group hosted by a colleague on Single in the City.  The composition of the group was varied.  The discussion helped me to see the different perspective and similarities of the singleness.  We shared in the discussion of the myths, stereotypes, "just how darn right RUDE statements people have made regarding being single, challenges and opportunities.  It was a great discussion because it helped me to settle more into my own singleness.  It also reminded me of various conversations that I have held over the past month with new and old acquintances about what is right with me in singleness and not what is wrong with with me. I have also realized that this season of singleness has helped me to grow as a person, I have been able to do and learn some things that would have been different if I had been married.  Singleness does come with its cross to bear especially when you desire companionship and marriage. 

Single sisters and brothers, share your myths, stereotypes, challenges and opportunities.......

You are Priceless....Believe That

In my work as a  counselor and in everyday life, I have the opportunity to interact with individuals that have allowed the words and/or behaviors of another to make them feel less than who they are.  Growing up there was a saying, "Sticks and Stones may hurt my bones but words will never hurt me."  That is one of the greatest lies ever told and repeated.  The ability to realize that when another person hurts you through their actions and/or words that it is coming from their perspective and that you can not own their perspective.  My purpose today is to share with you that you are uniquely and marvelously who you are.  Your value was placed inside of you when you were created in your mother's womb and the value is PRICELESS.  We can not put a value on a person's life because we are not the creator nor giver of life.  Another person does not have the power or ability to place an amount on you.  Their words or behaviors do not depreciate who you.  Just the other day I was trying to make a decision on whether to buy the Iphone 4s or Iphone 4.  I could get the Iphone 4 for 99.00 or pay 299.00 or more for the Iphone 4s.  The major difference is Suri.  Suri is a feature that you can ask questions and she will provide you with information.  I view Suri as an affirmation tool and that her value to some increased the value of the Iphone. At the end of the day, I walked away with the Iphone 4 because I said, I can affirm myself....I do not need an external feature or person to affirm who I am. 

The lesson I want you to take away is the you are "YOU" despite the words or actions of another person.  You are "PRICELESS" far more valuable than rubies, diamonds, the words or actions of another.

Be blessed and Live your life on purpose and in purpose.

Appreciation

I would like to thank those who speak into my life and encourage me to get out of the boat and follow my dreams.  At times these individuals do not know just how much I appreciate them.  You are believing in me when I am not doing such a great job of believing in myself.  A shout out goes to one of my prayer partners that calls me just when I need it because the Lord has spoken to her about my situation and I know that I am on His mind because I have not shared with anyone exactly what is go on.  A lunch with a friend that wanted to connect to discuss what are some ways we can connect and just to share some things. Another individual that I work with that always say- "You already go it so just do it." My accountability sister that reminds me of whose I am and that it is so freeing to be outside of the boat. A shout out to my FB family and friends that comment or "Like" my status updates.
I don't take our connections and relationships lightly.

Who can you show appreciation to today?  Call, email or text these people today.

The Wish List

Last night I watched a movie called The Wish List. The plot behind the story is a 30 something woman had created a wish list regarding the right guy for her.  She created this list to keep herself safe from the wrong guy.  She found herself in a dilemma, she met a guy name Eric that matched her wish list and she also met a guy that was completely opposite.  This movie made me think about the list the I have created:
1. A Christian man
2. Established
3. Romantic...( I love the romance of it all)
4. Enjoys traveling
5. Financially sound
6. Great sense of humor...can laugh at life
7. Family oriented
8. Conversationalist

Also today as I was catching up on The Revolution, a show on ABC that I enjoy because of the Hero of the Week stories.  This past week showed a single mother that was getting back into the dating game and she went on a date and did not feel the "tingle".  Dr. Tiffany asked her how did the tingle work in the past.  So she started stepping outside of her comfort zone and began to date past the first date.  These two situations have me asking myself is my list there to keep me safe or it is there to give me foundational criteria.  Is your wish list there to keep you safe or just as a guide ? 

Living Life on Purpose and in Purpose is a Everyday Thing!!!!

We are coming to the end of the first quarter of 2012, our year of divine destiny and order.  If anyone is like me some precious time has been wasted because I have not been intention about living my life on purpose and in purpose.  I want to start wasting time and get in position.  It has come to my attention that I am in my purpose but I am in the wrong place and possible position.  This means that I am out of divine order. This journey to living on purpose and in purpose is one of self discovery and faith.  I contiunally ask why was I called into counseling.  I see counseling as an avenue of helping a person live their best life.  The American Counseling Association (ACA) defines counseling as a professional relationship that empowers diverse individuals, families, and groups accomplish mental health, wellness, education and career goals.  This definition lines up with my mission of helping others to live their best life through counseling, coaching, counselor education and supervision. 

So I must be intentional about living my life on purpose and in purpose everyday to stay in divine order. What do you need to do to live life on purpose and in purpose?