Calling or Distraction

One of the assignments that I shared with my class was “The Lottery”.  The task of the activity was to have the student list 10 important activities that were in their lives.  They coded the activities and had to place them in the column titled Calling or Distraction.  We later came up with a definition of calling – “an inborn desire that one is compelled to serve a fulfilling and enjoyable purpose.”

What struck me as interesting was that it took the students a while to come up with 10 important activities in their lives.  Some stated I don’t do anything outside of taking care of my children, work and school. So I began to asking probing questions, such as what activities define who you are or what you do. Think about what you do on a daily basis and identify important activities that you participate in…spend time with family, reading a good book, listening to music, prayer, helping others, etc.

After looking at your important activities what are things that are calling you and what are distractions.  At times, we have some activities in our daily lives that are keeping us from our callings because they are hindering us from moving forward.  Reading is an important activity to me but it depends on the type of book that I am reading is whether it is a distraction.  I am working to spend more time reading material that feed my calling. 

Our calling is the activities that compel us to serve a purpose……so what is calling you?

A Few Good Men.....

Over the past week, I have had several different thoughts that have crossed my mind "spirit" about am I missing out on someone special because I have these high expectations. At one time I would say, I would never date a guy that has ......... and some of these things were superficial.  Then I began to think what would my family or friends say if I dated someone that had xxxx or worked xxxx.  Now don't get me wrong, I am not lowering my expectations when it comes to certain deal breakers.  These deal breakers include no job, no relationship with God, married or involved in a relationship with someone, trifling, abusive just to name a few. 

I have gotten to know some really good guys that are trying to make an impact on society but their past or education may have a couple of chips in it.  These men have a relationship with God but do not go to church every Sunday.  These men may use street slang but are working on a degree or working hard everyday to handle their business.  They may have a child or two....now I am not talking about the brother that has a basketball team and has never been married but just having unprotected sex with whoever.  I am talking about the guy that may be working a regular everyday job making ends meet and impacting the community. 

It made me think more about the fact that my dad worked two jobs for over 25 years in the service industry to provide for us.  I consider my dad to be a good man because he does have a relationship with God, he is a provider, he knows what family is about but he does not hold a college degree.  He has showed me what a good man represents.  I appreciate Bobby Dangerfield.

Who do you know that is a good man?

Does "The Black Church" perpetuate singleness?

As a follow up to my last posting, I continue to think about singleness and have the expectations changed.  It also made me think more about whether "The Black Church" perpetuates singleness among African American women.  I remember reading an article a while ago that posed the same question and I had thought about writing my dissertation on a similar topic.  I have decided on another topic which I will discuss later as I firm that up.

These are thoughts that I have about the subject and remember they are just my thoughts. I grew up in a predominately African American church and still attend one.  The membership of both congregations are comprised of mostly women holding leadership positions and filling the pews.  Both congregations are male dominated in the role of who is the ministry leader.  The teaching from the pulpit regarding the role of the woman is one viewed as the man is the head of the household. 

The messages taught show that men should take on the role of seeking out the woman to court and marry.  My question is if it is a female majority sitting in the pews and in leadership positions, are men getting the message that they are suppose to initate the process?  Also there are two perspectives of what is right by God and then also what is considered right in our society?

The creation of a fantasy man that may or may not exist from the pulpit makes it hard for a good brother to measure up when he is doing his best. I know that I govern my expectations in relationships on the basis of the principles that I was and am taught in church.  Are these expectations keeping me in the single category longer that expected? 

Mack A Man

The other day, I was listening to the Michael Baisden show on my afternoon commute and he was telling women to make the first move when it comes to asking a man out.  So I posed the question to my family and friends about their thoughts on the matter. It was a mixed response some said a closed mouth does not get fed- so why not ask him out.  Then there were others that's said No, it is the man's responsibility to make the move.

I have mixed feelings about it because being raised in the church, I was taught that a woman should allow the man to be the initiator.  But on the other hand, there may have been some opportunities missed because the man did not want to put himself out there for the possibility of being turned down.  No one likes rejection or to be vulnerable in putting themselves out there. 

Woman have been fighting for an equal position in society for a long time so why not level the playing field by approaching a guy to let him know that you are interested.  Now, I do draw the line on asking a man to marry me.  I do believe in Proverbs 18:22, He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from God.  I still believe that most men know the woman they will marry when they meet the woman or in the relationship. 

Another argument is if you ask the man out then who should pay for the date.  My thoughts on that is if he has asked me out, I think he should pay for the date.  So if I have asked him out, I am willing to pay....but if he offers to pay I will accept his offer.  LOL.  What are your thoughts should you ask him out?